Dear Love, It's past 5 am. Hours ago, I vowed to myself that this year will be better. No more heartbreaks and no more pining for you in 2011. And I think I might be able to make it. It's been 1 year and 9 days since we broke up. But you broke my heart many times before that and a couple of more times after that. You and I know I have been holding on because I love you and I know we'd be great together. If somebody were to ask me years ago even before I met you what kind of guy I'd like to be in a relationship with, I'd probably describe somebody like you: smart and intelligent, tall and kinda athletic, a bit geeky and nerdy, driven, somebody I can talk to about anything I want to talk about. Before you, there was only one other guy who fit my idea of who I should be in a relationship. We were in a constant tango, me and him. As we also were. We had those eight months. I have learned a lot about myself, about life, about love, and what I deserve. It was never easy…
Tag: letting go
Save Yourself
This is an open letter... to myself. Dear Ms Jose, I know you still love him. (unsure) And we know you shouldn't. Stop yourself. While you are smart enough to know he's never going to choose you and that he's not coming back to you, we know there's a part of you still hoping. Stop. Your pride is hurt. In every possible way, you should have been the one as he was your one. But you are not his one. You might never be. If only we didn't love Math, we'd say it's impossible that he's ever coming back. But Mathematically speaking, the only thing we are certain about is that nothing else is certain. ANYWAY, yes, you were and still is the better girl... more beautiful, smarter, and you treated him better than he deserved. And yes you loved him. Sincerely. Selflessly. Whole-heartedly. And you were stupid. But you must let go. Yes, you have moved on. At least, you are trying to. But have not let go. You are still hanging to that very small flicker of hope. Save yourself the trouble. He is not coming back. He is not going to mend your broken heart. He will…
The Pain of Breaking Up
It's inevitable. Every break up is painful. No matter how many bad fights you've had, no matter how long a time you've been actually been waiting for it to happen, it still stings. I think most of the time, it's not the being left alone, being left behind that hurts. It's the doubts, the unanswered questions, the asking when the lies must have started, when did the love fade, when did it start slipping away, and the loss of the confidence that cause greater pain. It's the unanswered question of "what the f*ck went wrong when I thought everything was going well" that makes us cry. Nobody (in his right mind) enters a relationship with the foresight or the expectation that it will crumble or end somehow. One enters a relationship with the expectation, the idea that it will be develop into a deeper one, it will last long, somehow. So when it happens, when what you fear finally arrives, when it ends, you start questioning yourself, the other person, the relationship, and everything that happened. Was the love even real? Were the happy moments really happy? You question yourself. You ask if there's anything wrong with yourself, could you…