November started out with being confined in my aunt’s house due to a severe asthma attack, punctuated by a meet-up with an ex, a meltdown caused by politics, cooking and baking for relatives, a couple of poker tournament wins, and a hectic work schedule. Articles. Blog entries. New projects. Deadlines.
It’s December and the madness continues.
I am being like a duck. Calm, smiling, constantly perky and warming up to the new people I meet. But underneath it all is frantic paddling, crazy panic, and random bouts of insecurity and depression.
Do not let the smile fool you. Don’t let the blog entries and articles deceive you. Let it be known that the blog entries and articles, and amount of work I do is symptomatic of how troubled I am. I fight depression and loneliness by writing.
Example… When the Maguindanao Massacre happened, I wrote 3 blog entries, one right after the other. Totally not about the incident. That’s how I roll.
Paddling… crazy ass fighting of emotions, struggling to beat the odds, to survive this crazy life. As I’ve told a good friend, I have not been ok for quite sometime, and I have been lonely. But I’m ok with that. I am used to not being ok. Used to struggling.
I am not sinking. I will not sink. I’m a duck. I will put up a brave, pretty front while I struggle to survive. 🙂
Photo courtesy of Kuya Andrew.
ria,
there are plenty of ducks in this world. some are more beautiful than others but still they are ducks.
but ducks are not only good above water. they can manage to live on land. they might not walk as fast as chickens do, but they walk.
i like ducks. am also one.