Many days, weeks, and months ago, I suffered a betrayal that I thought I could never move past beyond. It cost me a lot of things… confidence in myself, trust in others, and “friends.” Every time I’d encounter a milestone or a reminder of that painful moment, I’d lose all my confidence once again, and paranoia and self-pity would set in. I have tried so hard to avoid those moments and to keep to myself, to hide my pain and sorrow only to be witnessed by me alone.
Today is one of those days. I fear that I will break down and wallow in self-pity. Once again, I want to just keep to myself and have my own pity party but I had made a promise. I will be there, I will face the reality of what had happened, of how my best laid plans had failed despite my earnest and sincere efforts.
I don’t know why I made the promise to be there but I did and I will fulfill it, not just for the people who stayed true and loyal to me but for myself. I have to do it for me. If I kept to myself and just nursed my pain and sorrow alone, it would not do me any good.
I finally watched Jiro Dreams of Sushi. I was moved and inspired by the film. I had wanted to write an extensive blog post about it but I am at loss for words. Instead, here’s an insight on leadership which was reinforced by the movie: “Lead by example.”
I have heard it and read it many times and I believe in it but never have I seen it so succinctly displayed as by sushi master Jiro Ono. He is disciplined, dedicated, and committed that even his suppliers don’t care about gaining profit and selling, they just want to be part of his success.
He shows up for work everyday, ready and committed to elevating his craft. No matter how successful he is, he sticks to his routine and never loses the thirst for excellence. He competes not with others but with himself. He shows his apprentices and his sons the kind of discipline and passion that would make them succeed.
This is one of my favorite poems. Yes, it’s a poem about heartbreak and letting go but it’s also a poem about love and how it can move people.
As kids, most of us were told that when we’re good, we get good things in return.
“Be kind to others and others will be kind to you.”
“Study hard to get good grades.”
“Treat others well and they’ll treat you well.”
“Be good and the world will be good to you.”
“Work hard to get rewards.”
Dear 41 Year Old Ria,
You didn’t really know what to write today. You were thinking of maybe sharing a song or maybe just skipping today but then you found this gem: “After The Death Of Their 12-Year-Old Daughter, Parents Find The Letter She Wrote To Her Future Self.” And of course you thought, hmmm… maybe I should write one of those.
I’m writing this on January 11, 2014. You were 31 and you’ve been blogging for 10 years already. You’re supposed to read this when you’re 41. It’s probably 2024 or 2025 now and here are some things I’d like to tell you.
First off, how are you? I hope you’re doing well.
Having menopausal symptoms already? If so, bear and grin it. Whatever is stressing you out, stop bitching about it. If necessary, break a few plates. Shout at that stupid gadget that’s so hard to figure out or scream at an annoying character of any movie or tv series. But I think what would work best would be to bake or cook. Or maybe just sleep it off.
I wonder… how much does a domain name cost nowadays? Is the internet still on Web 2.0, social media and all that shiz? I guess not. Whatever it is that the internet is on nowadays… I hope you’re on it. Or at least trying to.
Nobody really asked for this topic but I’m a bit intoxicated and I can’t sleep so what the hell, right? After all, love and relationships are the easiest and hardest things to talk about. Easy because we can all relate to it somehow. Or at least, the lack of it. And hard because it all really doesn’t make sense.
So here I am. 31 and single. One of things I often get asked (luckily, not so much by my relatives) is why I’m single. The answer? I don’t know. I’d like to think there’s really nothing wrong with me. So let’s examine my past relationships, instead.
My first boyfriend (who was not my first love, by the way) was one huge mistake. I’d rather not talk about the guy since we’re friends but let’s just say I went into the relationship just because. It was a long distance relationship and I felt like it was really not a big investment. While I did mourn the breaking up part, the relationship and the break up didn’t really take much of my time or emotions. Our usual nights would go like this…
BF: What you doing?
Ria: Playing DotA. DND.