Closure

“Tell her why. At least give her the chance to have feelings about it. For god’s sake!”

– Meredith Grey, Grey’s Anatomy Season 2 Episode 2

Sabi dito ENTJ daw personality ko. Sabi rin “ENTJs desire closure in their lives, wanting to make conclusions about things or people quickly.” AWOW! I’m not one to easily believe these online quizzes and tests but I have consistently gotten an ENTJ result the past few years. (I used to be ENFP.)

Anyway, the point is… apparently, I need closure. Personality test and diagnosis aside, yes, I am that person. It took me almost five years to get over my first love. And he wasn’t even my boyfriend. We just had an on and off thing. I moved on because I got the closure I wanted. We didn’t really part ways. Rather, he got himself a girlfriend. And yes, brave old me was calm and collected. I maintained my friendship with the guy. And his girlfriend. HUWOW! That started a pattern in all my relationships which I terribly regret now.

So how did I get the closure I wanted? I asked for it. Some four or five years after he got himself a girlfriend, we met up for dinner. And I asked all the questions I wanted to ask and got the answers I had to hear. And there you go, I was finally over him. More recently, I have had the same experience. Even if it was clear for a long time that me and this ex were never ever gonna be together, I was not able to move on. Not necessarily because I still wanted to be with him, I just really needed him to apologize, to tell me his reasons, to give answers that I think I deserve. And there you go, I am finally ok and we can finally be truly friends.

But this does not happen often. People leave without so much as a good bye. At eto ako… basang-basa sa ulan, walang masisilungan, walang malalapitan. Wait… well, it seems a bit that way. When somebody chooses somebody else or leaves me, or just cuts off ties for whatever reason, I seem like a lost child. Like I don’t know what to do and where to go. Iniwan sa ere. Ain’t such a great feeling. And FML! It happens to me all the time.

Piolo (and I) deserve an explanation.
Piolo (and I) deserve an explanation.

Eto na naman ako… paulit-ulit na lang. Sabi nga sa kanta nila Piolo at Sarah G (totally different movie, BTW), “Paano ba ang magmahal? Palagi bang nasasaktan? Umiiyak na lang palagi, Gusto ko nang lumisan.” Sakit beh. Minsan (and most recently), di pa nga ako nagmahal, like pa nga lang… thumbs up pa nga lang, di pa napusuan, nasaktan na. OUCH! Sakit, beh.

Once again, I am like a lost child. Pero eto ang maganda, with the help of my friends, nagka-epiphany ako. YES! After 34 years of existence and 21 years of liking, loving, investing emotions, and ending up heartbroken and lost, ETO NA BEH! Natuto rin ang puso kong tanga.
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The Achy Breaky Hearts

‘Di ako masyadong iyaking kapag nanonood ng mga pelikula. Pero yung “The Achy Breaky Hearts,” hindi pa lumalabas yung title card naluha na ako. Pak na pak ang intro. #ICanRelate sa linyang ito…

“Hindi naman sa kailangan na may kasama umuwi, kumain o matulog. Masarap lang din siguro kung meron. Di ba?” – The Achy Breaky Hearts

BOOM! PAK! GANERN! Doon sa “Di ba?” buhos na ang tears. Ang ganda ng pagkakasulat ng intro ng pelikula. Parang pwede kong sabihin na para sa akin yung pelikula. Tama ang desisyon ko na panoorin yun mag-isa.

Tapos halos buong pelikula naluha-luha lang ako kahit nakakatawa naman. Kasheh tagos sa buto mga beh. Yung masaya ka naman na single ka pero tongenuh yun, masaya kayang kiligin. Yung kahit na buo ka naman at di mo naman talaga kailangan ng kasama sa kung ano at kung saan pero pag naiisip mong paano nga kung meron?

Ria Jose
Chinggay, ako ba ikaw? Ikaw ba ako? Nakaka-relate ako beh. #TeamSingle

‘Yon eh… doon tayo sa mga what ifs tinatamaan. The film shows us how we can be happy being single yet still yearn for something more. Yung kumpleto ang buhay mo pero di mo mapigilang isipin na baka mas masaya ka kapag may kapares ka. Palagay ko ganun din yung mga taken. Masaya naman silang may kapares pero minsan napapatanong din na baka mas masaya kapag single. Ika nga “the grass is always greener on the other side.”
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Langaw Daw

Una sa lahat, di ko mawari ano ang pakay mo upang mag-post ng kung anu-anong galit at poot sa mga status mo. Di na sana kita papatulan dahil di ka naman kapatol-patol. Sa totoo lang pag-aaksaya ng panahon itong ginagawa ko ngayon. Matagal na kitang kilala, pero di ka pa rin nagbabago. Sa tingin ko pag nabasa mo ‘tong post ko, walang magbabago. Pero dahil nag-viral yung post mo, heto tayo ngayon. Sagarin natin ang “time to shine moment” mo. Oportunidad na rin to para sagutin lahat ng mga kagaya mo mag-isip.

Gusto ko lang iklaro na sa paggamit mo pa lang ng salitang “langaw” para tukuyin ang ibang tao, talo ka na agad. Sa unang parirala pa lang, X ka na. Hindi mapaghusga ang mga tunay na matatalino at matitinong tao. Kung tama at karapatdapat pakinggan ang pahayag mo, hindi mo na dapat minaliit ang inaaway mo.

Yung totoo, hindi ko alam kung sino yung mga tinutukoy mong langaw. Sa pagkakaalam ko walang baong mga langaw si President Duterte. Pero sabihin na nating sa pagbasa ng post mo, napagtanto ko na tinutukoy mo ang mga taga-Davao at Mindanao na mga media at mga staff na isinama ni President Duterte. Sabi mo sa post mo dapat “mag-aral sila ng mabuti. Ayusin nila ang trabaho nila.” Ok, gets. Tama naman. Pero bakit kelangan mong sabihin ito “Hindi biro magtanong at kumalkal ng baho ang manila-based media.”

Hindi po basehan ng mabuting trabaho ang kahusayan sa pagkalkal ng baho. Ito ba ang journalistic standard mo? Mas mabuting mamahayag ka kung magaling kang makalkal ng baho at basura? Baka naman mga chismoso’t chismoso ang hanap mo at hindi mga mamahayag?

Ang mas mahalagang punto, bakit mong iniisip na hindi kasing galing ng mga taga-Mindanao and mga taga-Maynila? Parang siguradong-sigurado ka sa pahayag mo ah. With confidence. (Lakas ng tiwala mo sa sarili mo ah.) Para sabihin ko sayo, may personal na hidwaan ako sa iilang miyembro ng Davao media pero hindi ko maikakailang magagaling, masisipag, at matatalino ang karamihan sa kanila. Mahusay magsulat. Masipag magsaliksik. Matino magbalanse ng balita. Nakita ko ang karamihan sa kanila nuong nakaraang kampanya sa sa iba pang mga pagkakataon. Kahit minsan walang humingi ng special treatment. Lahat nakipagsiksikan. Lahat pinagpawisan. Lahat ginawa ang trabaho ng walang pagkimi, ng walang pinapanigan.
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The Intelligent Candidate

I don’t like kicking the horse when it’s down but I have been meaning to say this for months now… yung mga nagmamayabang na matalino sila kasi they supported a supposedly matalino candidate, magsaliksik kayo ng mabuti oy.

Hindi dahil matalino, mabuting tao at mahusay na public servant na agad. Do you really know your candidate and his/her motivations for running? Are you familiar with everything your candidate has accomplished? Yung totoo, sinusuportahan mo kasi kilala mo at alam mong mahusay na pinuno siya o kasi gusto mo lang masabing matalino ka?

Yung kandidato mo matalino. Totoo yan. Pero yung sasabihin mong matalino ka rin kasi siya sinusupotahan mo? Nakakatawa. Ginagago ka nga ng kandidato mo nang di mo nalalaman, iniisip mo pa rin na matalino ka.
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Being a #PartnerforChange

Well, well, well… here we are. It’s June 30 and yet it has not fully sunk into my brain yet. I have always been the reluctant one, a doubter, a hesitant supporter. On the eve of the 2016 National Elections, I shared my journey with Team Duterte. What I didn’t mention is how I have vowed to return to political blogging, whoever wins. I made this vow sometime February 2016.

And here I am, on the day on the Inauguration of President Rodrigo Duterte. After more than a month of silence, I am finally returning to posting about political stuff. And yes, after many years of hiatus, I will be actively blogging about politics. Not on a separate blog, but here on my personal blog. This is my self-proclaimed duty as a #PartnerforChange.

It has been a month since we branded him as Presumptive President and weeks since he was declared as President-Elect, but it still has not sunk in yet. Wala gihapon ko katuo na nakadaog gyud si Mayor.

The past few weeks have been confusing. Mayor has not taken his oath of office as President and yet, news from left and right, from legit and not quite legit sources were aplenty. Issues came in. In all shapes, forms, and on all topics possible. I refused to answer, post, or comment. Not until I was sure I won’t be part of the incoming administration. And not until I was mentally prepared for it. I told myself, sigurado June 30 klaro na siguro akong panan-aw. Hayag na ang dalan.

First off, no, I am not officially part of the incoming administration. Am I mentally prepared to blog commentaries about the pertinent issues of the day? Not quite. Obviously, I am soooo blatantly pointlessly rambling over here. But I have to fulfill my promise to myself. To return to political blogging.

Why? As my mentee asked me “What do I wish to achieve?” The simple answer is the campaign was such a struggle that I believe I owe it to myself and to every Duterte voter, to every Filipino that we each become a #PartnerforChange. And I would like to start with what I think I can do best.

(I don’t know who came up with that hashtag but I applaud them. So simple yet so brilliant.)

So this is how I choose to be a “Partner for Change.” By remaining the reluctant one, a doubter, a hesitant supporter. Hindi ako bulag. Hindi ako bingi. Hindi ako pipi. At hindi rin ako tanga. At gagamitin ko ang ano man ang kakayahan at meron ako upang bigyan ng pansin ng mga bagay na dapat bigyan ng pansin. Para makinig sa mga hinaing, tahol, at bulyaw ng mga Pilipinong hindi napapakinggan at para bigyan ng boses ang mga mamamayang walang boses mailahad ang kanilang opinyon at mga kwento. Para magbigay ng aking opinyon at kuro-kuro kung kailangan.
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My Journey with Team Duterte and More

The 2016 Elections and campaign has definitely brought out the best and worst in us. It has shown us our monsters and demons and it has forced us to look deep within ourselves. It has been quite a journey for me as a member of #TeamDuterte.

Late last year, questions started to pour. Everywhere I went, Luzon, Visayas, and Mindanao, people would ask me if Duterte would be running for President. And all I could say was “I really don’t know.” Fact is I really didn’t know back then. Come the deadline of Filing for the Certificate of Candidacy, Duterte did not file a Certificate for Candidacy. A lot of people were disappointed. I wasn’t. I was relieved. People kept the faith. May pag-asa pa raw. Ako naman umaasa na “‘Wag na lang, please.” My biggest problem back then was, “sino na ngayon ang susuportahan ko?”

And then it happened. Duterte filed his Certificate for Candidacy as substitute to Mr Martin Diño. ARGH! I said to myself. What an exciting time but it also gave me much anxiety. And sometime December 2015, I was invited to a meeting. I thought it was just a meet and greet but it turned out to be an invitation to join the Team Duterte Media Central fulltime. I was hesitant but I dove right in and said yes. I thought “it would be an amazing once in a lifetime experience.”

And boy did I get more than what I bargained for. Much, much more.

Rodrigo R. Duterte is not an easy candidate to campaign for and support. To be honest, I had doubts and hesitations but I accepted the call to volunteer because of my Daddy who has retired from politics but remains 100% committed to support Mayor Duterte with whom he work with as VM for four terms. I also accepted because of Sir Peter Laviña and Mayor Jun Evasco. I have known Mayor Jun for many years and I know him as a honest and sincere public servant who never sought glory, fame, or power. And I knew Sir Peter back when he was a councilor blogger. He was, as far as I know, the first politician blogger in the Philippines and one of the first in the world, and he used his blog to make the government closer to its citizens. If Sir Jun and Sir Pete wholeheartedly supported Duterte, then I should, too.

So yes, I was a hesitant campaigner. I resolved to keep my wall posts to a minimum. And if possible, I would never post anything negative and inflammatory. And I told myself to always keep the Bloggers for Duterte in check. Kalma lang tayo. That was something I always told them.

Early on, I wanted to quit. It was just too much. It was beyond my comprehension how our candidate would refuse to temper his statements, how he would seldom heed our calls for tact, and how he would just speak his mind without regard for the on going campaign. Nakakapikon. Galisod mi convince sa mga tao unya siya wala siya pakialam. (Insert many, many curses here.) I was pissed off. I was angry. I was frustrated. And his statement about burying Marcos at the Libingan ng mga Bayani was the last straw for me. TOO MUCH! Di na makaya. I gave myself a deadline. I was going to quit by the end of February 2016. During a meeting of bloggers and Media Central members, the bloggers were asked one by one if they had any doubts. And they all answered no. They were all 100% all in. Duterte Cayetano all the way. Nahiya ako. I told them I was scheduled to quit but that I was now having doubts because di ko sila kayang iwan sa ere. They gave me another reason to hold on and keep moving.

And it has been very rewarding. More and more people expressed their support for Duterte. Survey results kept getting better. Best of all, people were starting to get angry. They started to see everything wrong about the government and they started to ask and demand for more. Dumami ang Pilipino na humihingi at kumampanya para sa TUNAY NA PAGBABAGO. Lami pud sa feeling na somehow I was part of that. I could not claim to have a big role in the campaign because no matter how stressed and no matter how little sleep and rest I got, there were hundreds more volunteers working even harder. Without pay and without the promise of favor, mind you.

But it was also taxing. Kapoy gyud kaayo. The black propaganda, mud, and dirt did not hurt as a campaigner, but I was offended as a Davaoeño, as a Filipino, as a human being. How dare they?! PAANO NILA NAIISIP NA GAWIN YAN? SAAN NILA NAKUKUHA ANG MGA KWENTONG YAN? BAKIT GANYAN SILA MAG-ISIP?

A lot of Davaoeños like me didn’t want Duterte to run for President. We anticipated it would be stressful for him. We foresaw how much mud would be thrown at him. But never in our wildest imagination did we anticipate that our beloved Davao City, our home would be so blatantly attacked with lies, unfounded accusations, and fabricated stories. Nakakasakit ng damdamin. Davao City is the home that nurtured and raised us. It is our safe haven. How dare you destroy our home with your lies? How dare you accuse our Mayor of wrongdoings of which you do not have proof of? Inutil ba kayo? Higit na dalawampung taon na nagsilbi si Duterte as a public servant of Davao City. Kung totoong kurakot siya, kung totoong mamamatay tao siya, kung totoong abusado at masamang tao siya, kayo na nasa national position, bakit wala kayong nagawa para kasuhan siya at para matanggal siya? BAKIT? Kung may agam-agam kayo sa pagkatao niya at sa pamamalakad niya, bakit ngayon lang? HOW DARE YOU INSULT OUR HOME AND OUR LEADER?! Hindi lang siya ang iniinsulto niyo dito kung di bawat Davaoeño na pinagsilbihan at inaruga niya.
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