Dear Love, It's me again. I just wanted to write today. I have been meaning to do something. I never thought I would seriously consider it. I never did. You know me. I know I will not be good at it or the best at it, I do not even try. But this time... I want to do it. Like think about it everyday kind of want. I do not have a good enough reason other than the thought would not leave my mind. And though it scares me, it excites me and makes me think I should have tried it a long time ago. Will you jump in with me? I need you there. Will you smile and be proud of me? Are you going to tell me I did well even if I end up being mediocre? As I write this, I am listening to songs that remind me of days when I was a little bit more confident. When I thought I was the best and infallible. When I did not have plans but it did not matter because I was smart and good at almost everything. The songs also remind me of the days that inspire…
NCT 127 Chill Playlist
Happy 127 Day, NCTzens! It is January 27 (0127) and it is a special day for NCT 127 and NCTzens. To celebrate this day, 127 is sharing their own playlists via the NCT 127 Youtube Channel. Taking their cue, I am sharing also a few of my favorite 127 songs. Specifically, these are songs that I love to listen to on days when I want to just chill and relax. Hope you enjoy my NCT 127 Chill Playlist recommendations. About 127 NCT 127 is the first fixed unit of NCT (Neo Culture Technology), a KPop boy group managed by SM Entertainment. NCT 127 Favorite.BUY the album. NCT's concept is quite uhmmm... complicated to explain. Just think of them as an unlimited boy group composed of multiple units with different concepts. Some of these units have a specific city "home base" where they do most of their activities and promotions. NCT 127 is based in Seoul, Korea and 127 is the longitude of Seoul. They currently have 9 active members and 1 inactive member. 127 debuted in 2016 with "Fire Truck," an energetic and powerful hip-hop song. I mention this because Fire Truck, along with all of 127's succeeding title tracks…
Dear Love
Dear Love, I have been planning to write this for a few days now. Despite how complicated what we had was, you were the only one who really saw me. You listened to me. Tried to understand me. Remembered things I mentioned. Consoled me when I needed it. I guess what I am trying to say is "thank you!" For the longest time, I kept on asking myself why our memories mean much to me. We did not have much. Not much time nor memories together. Yet what we had... whatever it was, it still means much to me. And it struck me. You truly saw and understood who I am. And I haven't realized that there are so few so who did that for me, made me feel seen and understood. Like my problems mattered. As if what I said had meaning. That my victories, big and small, were things I should be proud of. While I regret so much of what happened between us, I am still grateful because you always listened. You were always there to comfort me. You never insisted on solving my problems for me but you were always ready to help when I asked…
Dear Love
Dear Love, I cannot believe I am finally doing this. And I hope I do follow through because I know I need to. This is just the first of what I think would be many. To you and to others to whom I owe my words to. First off, I want to make it clear that I am doing this without any agenda or intention other than to say the words I have meant to say. To share my thoughts and finally let go of things. I am a mess. I usually am... but now more than ever. And it is sad that the one person I badly want to talk to is the one person I cannot and should not talk to about it. My life has always been this comical tragedy that people would never think could happen in real life... so I guess I should not be shocked anymore that this is currently where I am at. For now, this is all I can say... I have never thought it possible for me to be so wrong about myself and about you... about us. After decades, I finally know it has always been you. Whether by fate…
Dear Love
Dear Love, The past few weeks have been great. The past two days have been especially wonderful. I have been laughing and also been very productive. But today, just a few moments ago, I read a piece of fiction that I have already previously read. I loved it when I first read it. It is a happy end to a sad story. So when I saw it again, I re-read the last few parts. But it made me sad. And suddenly, tears were about to fall. And I found it difficult to move, to lift the glass of water, to stand up. I felt weak. I do not know why. To be honest, I do not want to know why it made me sad. I have things to do. But this, I can do to try to lessen the pain. Or numb myself. I write about it. Tell this story to you. There is nothing more than a sad story here. No lesson, no insight. Nothing new. Just me being randomly sad and not feeling ok for no particular reason. I do not want to cry it out or sleep it off because I really want to finish what I…
Dear Love
Dear Love, It's been a while. Suddenly, it is August... and before we know it, the ber season is here. And 2021 will come to a close. It's like I blinked to rest and the year went by, without much really happening to me. But really, a lot has happened since. I would like to say I am much better. Truth is, I do not know. But this I am certain, I have come to know, learn, and realize a lot these past few months. Whether by mistake or mere happenstance, I have come to understand more about myself. Not intentionally. Definitely not deliberately. But I welcomed it. Like a flood, memories came rushing back. Along with it, more tears than I had expected. Countless nights spent thinking. Mulling, And yes, crying myself to sleep. I am not ok. But this time, not because of the usual reasons. One day, I will be brave enough to tell those stories. Share those memories. Meantime, I will spend more time thinking, asking, and seeking answers. Not because I need closure, but because I need to do better. Be better. I am not ok. My heart is not ok. My mind is clouded.…