A lot has been said and a lot has happened since. This is really it, yes? We’re moving on. And I’m taking it easy. There will be better days than today, that I am quite sure. I’m finding it hard to smile and laugh and be ok. But I will be happy. I have done everything possible to make it work. And that is enough to make me happy. I will be happy. (I’ll keep saying that til it becomes true. LOL!)

At the very least, I have learned a lot from this. For one, I know I can love… sincerely. It’s the being loved in return I have to learn or earn. There is still a part of me that’s insecure with who I am, what my value is, and what I deserve. That I am learning. As we went through the motions of what happened, I kept questioning, as I still do, if I deserve to be happy or to be sad. Do I deserve to be hurt? Am I good enough? Am I enough?

But I realize, I didn’t work hard to be where I am, to be who I am, to be this goddamn hot and beautiful just be hurt by anybody. There ain’t anybody else with cup C boobehs, a pretty face, an IQ of 149, the ability to multi-task, and have the personality and energy enough to keep an entire room in rapt attention. Diyosa itong pinakakawalan mo no! (Ang kokontra pangit!)

I know, I am certain, that in this letting go, you are losing more than I am losing. I know that there is happiness for me, in a few days, a few weeks, a month or a year, but it’s there. For you, however, I can only hope you will be enlightened. Things will be better for me. Definitely.

I have no more expectations. Although there a bit of hope I am keeping inside me, I have accepted that this is it. And I am looking forward… hoping that the new things in my future will not only make me move forward, but help me be a better person. More work, a new job, and culinary classes. I hope these will, not only help me move on, but bring me further to where I am supposed to be.

We remain friends, and because of that, I do not want to see you miserable or in pain. You know what I mean, of course. I can only hope you realize that despite whatever you have done, whatever your past is, you still deserve the best, to be happy, to be where you can be the best person you can be. And you are not in that place right now. I may not be the best person who can determine what makes you happy… but we both know you are not happy right now. As your friend, I can only wish the best for you.

As we both let go and move on, may we both always remember these…

Be happy. Learn. Love. Live. 🙂