It’s inevitable. Every break up is painful. No matter how many bad fights you’ve had, no matter how long a time you’ve been actually been waiting for it to happen, it still stings.
I think most of the time, it’s not the being left alone, being left behind that hurts. It’s the doubts, the unanswered questions, the asking when the lies must have started, when did the love fade, when did it start slipping away, and the loss of the confidence that cause greater pain. It’s the unanswered question of “what the f*ck went wrong when I thought everything was going well” that makes us cry.
Nobody (in his right mind) enters a relationship with the foresight or the expectation that it will crumble or end somehow. One enters a relationship with the expectation, the idea that it will be develop into a deeper one, it will last long, somehow.
So when it happens, when what you fear finally arrives, when it ends, you start questioning yourself, the other person, the relationship, and everything that happened. Was the love even real? Were the happy moments really happy?
You question yourself. You ask if there’s anything wrong with yourself, could you have worked harder, been a better person, given more? Was it something, a single thing you did or say?
Or was it all a lie? Was it just a figment of your imagination? An illusion? Looking through it all with rose-colored glasses? Did the “I love yous” really mean something or were those just lines made to make you feel good somehow?
The questions and the doubting never end. Even when answers are given, and conversations happen, you still question, if it had been a lie before, how could the explanations be any different?
You ask yourself, you ask the other person, you ask others. You try so hard to find the answers, to know what could have been, what should have been, to try to figure out what was. Confusion and anger ensues. You are not even sure if you are angry at yourself or at the other person.
You are not sure how to go on, how to proceed, how not to be jaded and pessimistic. You cry yourself to sleep, you go on about with life with those nagging questions repeated over and over again in your head.
You want to be defiant, to be strong, to have the will to let go and move on, to forget and not miss the jerk who made you cry. But you can’t. You simply can’t. Not right away. Because that’s the way it is. No matter how bad it was, there will always be a part of you that was shattered by the break up. And even more so when you thought everything was going on so well. Because you question everything, the happy moments and the fights. What were real and what were lies?
The pain is not being alone. It is in being left with doubt, and insecurity, in not knowing what or whom to believe or trust anymore.
I’d like to believe that relationships don’t start out as false or grounded on lies. The thing about relationships is that they go through cycles, and some just don’t work out. So you move on… to the next relationship until you find the right one that works for the both of you. 😉
Just don’t give up on love. 🙂
let me quote something from paulo coelho’s Convention Of Those Wounded In Love:
THE FINAL DETERMINATION:
Those wounded in love, unlike those wounded in armed conflict, are neither victims nor torturers. They chose something that is part of life, and so they have to accept the agony and the ecstasy of their choice.
And those who have never been wounded in love will never be able to say: “I have lived”.
Because they haven’t.
here is the link for the full text of the Convention Of Those Wounded in Love, if you are interested.
Have you seen “He’s not just that into you”? Didn’t like it at all but would definitely recommend it to young girls like you – let’s see how you react to gigi’s character. Life’s like that – you win some, you lose some. Love will come – just don’t work too hard to find it. Huwag na magmuni-muni – keep busy, move on.
@Meikah – Of course. 🙂
@myepinoy – Thanks!
@tita ives – Watched it already. 🙂
I quoted your saying on my blog
“Nobody (in his right mind) enters a relationship with the foresight or the expectation that it will crumble or end somehow. One enters a relationship with the expectation, the idea that it will be develop into a deeper one, it will last long, somehow.”
Ok lang ba? 😀 It makes perfect sense kasi. TT.TT
@mesmerizing sky, no problem. 🙂
In all, if you have lost someone special to you, regardless of reason, they say the best thing to do is to live well. If you’re the one who was wronged in parting, it is the best revenge, and if you lost someone through no fault of your own, it is what they would have wanted for you anyway
Whatever that it caused you, you should not change.
You should not mind the questions that remain in your head.
You could only speculate the best answers but still not find out the real ones.
I also believe that this is an opportunity. An opportunity for us to learn how to be a better person, be more broad minded.
Hello,
Today is the first day of my 5year relationship being over. The hardest part…we have a son together. Im feeling lost, scared, confused, anxious, sad, and most of all betrayed. I dont know how I am going to do this. I cant stand the thought of him with another girl, or going about his life with no worries or responsibilities like I will have. Im 20. How do I do this? What am I supposed to do to get over this? I already have enough stress in my life, i dont think i can handle this. I need to be strong for my 14 month old son, but how? Help…. please!!!!