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To The Guy Who Got Me So Confused

Ria Jose
Don't be fooled by that smile. I was terribly anxious that night.

Dear You,

You know who you are but I’m quite sure you don’t read my blog so whatever. 😉

First off, wag mo masyadong i-feel ang moment, ok? Haha!

I’d like you to know I’m so frustrated by the entire situation but I’m thankful you finally had the guts to be honest.

When you first approached me, it was obvious you liked me. You never denied it. I wasn’t really into you but you seemed like you were a nice guy. And even my guy friends told me you seemed sincere. I told you I wasn’t ready for a commitment or anything serious. And I meant it. I don’t regret telling you that.

And yet you tried to win me over. A for effort! Actually, A plus kung tutuusin. Bilib pati mga tao sa paligid ko. Wala pang lalakeng nag-effort ng ganun ka bongga. You didn’t do anything grand or extra special but you were there. A constant presence (so to speak) in my life.

Just when I was about to change my mind and let you into my life, the tides changed. The calls became fewer and the conversations started getting colder. You admit that your ex, the one whom you loved so much for a long time has started to communicate with you again. And that you still love her. Despite everything.

I was livid. Who wouldn’t be? Then, you told me… “I love you… as a friend.” HUWHAAAAAAT?! Kalurkey! Ang bongga ng statement! I kept on asking you if it was time for me to let go and move on. Habang maaga pa diba? You said, you’d leave the decision to me.

I thought that was it, but then you kept on coming back like nothing happened. And I was ok with that. I thought maybe it meant nothing, that you were still interested in me because you were still sweet and malambing.

After sometime, I decided to let you go. I just wanted to really speak with you so I’d know what went wrong. I waited for the chance to end things with you but things didn’t go as expected and a flicker of hope remained in the horizon.

But now, finally, you choose to be honest. After so many weeks, numerous messages and calls, you finally admit you lost interest in me a while back. That while you like me, there were so many things about me that you didn’t like.

You told me that the guy I get married to would be so lucky if I changed. I’m telling you now the the real lucky guy is the guy who will love and accept me for who I am.

I am not angry at you, but I am frustrated by the situation. That’s probably why I’m writing about it, letting the world know how I’d been played for a fool, how I wasted my time giving you a chance and somehow falling in love with you when all you wanted and needed was a friend. *FACEPALM*

I wish you had the guts to say it earlier, when I didn’t invest in you yet, when I still had the chance to not care for you. But it’s too late. You are now another line in my list of heartbreaks.

You have made me question and doubt myself. The entire situation has become somewhat of a puzzle to me. How can a guy continue to love a person who has hurt him so much? How can a guy pursue and show so much affection for a girl and yet be able to easily drop that girl? How can this be happening to me again?

Sabi ko nga sayo diba… Tanga na nga talaga siguro ako when it comes to love and relationships.

Every time I go through a heartbreak or a painful experience such as this, I tend to examine each and every relationship, break up, or failure I’ve had. Even those with guys who weren’t really my boyfriends. Believe me, you’re not the first guy who has pursued me and suddenly lost interest.

I really don’t know the point of this letter, except that I wanted to rant… to be honest to myself, to have a reminder of what happened so it wouldn’t happen again. There is no bitterness in my heart. Only questions on my mind.

You ask me why I fell in love with you? I guess it’s because you took care of me when I needed somebody to take care of me.

I think I’d like to thank you for everything, for the memories, even the painful ones. May those memories stick with me and always remind me that even nice guys, even those who seem to be sincere can break my heart.

I sincerely hope you find the happiness you have been wishing to have with her. And I do mean it when I told you we can still be friends.

Good luck in everything! Anybody who works as hard as you do only deserve success. Don’t forget what I have always told you: that you deserve so much more than you think you deserve. Let people take care of you. 😉

Don’t worry about me… I’ll get over you.

The One That Got Away

Ria J 😉

7 thoughts on “To The Guy Who Got Me So Confused

  1. awww pwede mohilak? I can so much relate. been there same experience but never a time I had it out in writing. It’s all in my heart and mind. When I had too much of it, i just cry it off with a movie or song. ^^

    you look pretty in that pic.

  2. Hi Ria. I got what you feel, but of course… that too shall pass. James Salter once said that “women fall in love when they get to know men. But some men are just the opposite. When they finally know you, they’re ready to leave.” Siguro, what you’ve been through confirmed his quote. Hayaan mo, tama yan. No bitterness, he’s not worth the stress.

    Naisip ko nga, it might be that the way to a man’s heart these days is not through beauty, food, sex or alluring charm but merely the ability to seem not very interested in him. We’ll see, baka totoo nga.

  3. Woooaahh!!! I can agree sa sinabi mo na ” even those who seem to be sincere can break my heart”. You deserve someone better and Im sure God is preparing the right one for you.

  4. ay ansaket naman ng ginawa nya! hampasin ko kaya xa ng bonggang-bongga! kklrq! buti po ate ria, strong po kayo! kung ako yun, basag ang mundo ko. haiz. kklrq talaga yang mga guys na yan.

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