Being Better

Many days, weeks, and months ago, I suffered a betrayal that I thought I could never move past beyond. It cost me a lot of things… confidence in myself, trust in others, and “friends.” Every time I’d encounter a milestone or a reminder of that painful moment, I’d lose all my confidence once again, and paranoia and self-pity would set in. I have tried so hard to avoid those moments and to keep to myself, to hide my pain and sorrow only to be witnessed by me alone.

Today is one of those days. I fear that I will break down and wallow in self-pity. Once again, I want to just keep to myself and have my own pity party but I had made a promise. I will be there, I will face the reality of what had happened, of how my best laid plans had failed despite my earnest and sincere efforts.

I don’t know why I made the promise to be there but I did and I will fulfill it, not just for the people who stayed true and loyal to me but for myself. I have to do it for me. If I kept to myself and just nursed my pain and sorrow alone, it would not do me any good.

It has been a rude awakening, one of the most painful things I have ever experience… to work so hard for years and no reach my goals because of jealousy, character assassination, and other things I have not yet fully understood and accepted. Then again, it has also given me the valuable gift of knowing who my true friends are and more importantly, how strong I really am.

It might be a cliche but my life has been solid proof that what doesn’t kill me will only make me stronger. Not just stronger, mind you, but also better. And for that, I will be eternally grateful to the people who stood by me, helped me, and kept true to me.

Tonight, I will be there… proof that I may not be where I planned to be today but I am better than who I was when this whole thing started and that is more than enough. I do not deny that there is still pain and bitterness in my heart but I have decided not to let it ruin my life, not to let it rule my thoughts and actions.

I will continue to befriend people and trust people. I will continue to always work hard and be sincere. I will be passionate in everything I do. I will not judge people just because. I will not use whatever influence, power, and position to destroy others. Rather, I choose to empower others. I choose to cheer on my peers and look at them as my inspiration, rather than my competition. I choose to cherish my friends and continue to trust them. I choose to work even harder to achieve my goals. I choose to be better.

Again, I thank and will never get tired of saying thanks to all friends who helped me get through the painful events of those many days, weeks, and months ago. And yes, I thank those who hurt and betrayed me. You have made me a better person.

Live. Love. Learn. <3

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