Dear Love, I was apprehensive taking the trip we were supposed to take together. But it was better than I expected. It's great being single again. I finally understand why we can't be together and I thank you for giving me that. When I went on the trip, I thought maybe I'd be thinking about you all the time and how the trip would be better if you were there with me. Truth is, it was almost perfect without you there. The combination of work, old and new friends, booze, partying, and stress gave me a new perspective. It would have probably been a fun trip with you but I would have probably been too guarded, too worried about you that I wouldn't be able to work and party as hard as I did. I finally see what some of my friends told me, that I wasn't me when I was with you. It's both good and bad. Good because I became a better person when I was with you. And bad because somehow I made us the center of my life. You might not believe it, but I was trying very hard to make us work and I suffered…
Tag: moving on
Day 50
...and I'm still counting. I just finished watching "The Love Affair," and I am now in the middle of "First Love (A Crazy Thing Called Love)." These films are two of my most favorite romance films. I have been watching a lot of those lately because for 50 days, I have been trying to do everything there is to do to try to get over a break up. I have tried staying in for two days. I have tried going out and staying up late. I have tried watching cheesy Tagalog films. I have tried binge-ing and I have tried dieting. I have cried myself to sleep. I have tried drowning myself in work. I have posted emo messages and status updates. I have become addicted to Facebook games which I was so against before. Yes, I have tried almost everything there is to do when one is depressed or heartbroken. Kulang na lang mag-droga ako. Last weekend, we saw each other and it was then that I realized he was right. That we are not for each other. That while there is nothing fundamentally wrong with each one of us, it could have never worked out. I could have…
A Letter to My Ex Boyfriend
Dear Love, It's past 5 am. Hours ago, I vowed to myself that this year will be better. No more heartbreaks and no more pining for you in 2011. And I think I might be able to make it. It's been 1 year and 9 days since we broke up. But you broke my heart many times before that and a couple of more times after that. You and I know I have been holding on because I love you and I know we'd be great together. If somebody were to ask me years ago even before I met you what kind of guy I'd like to be in a relationship with, I'd probably describe somebody like you: smart and intelligent, tall and kinda athletic, a bit geeky and nerdy, driven, somebody I can talk to about anything I want to talk about. Before you, there was only one other guy who fit my idea of who I should be in a relationship. We were in a constant tango, me and him. As we also were. We had those eight months. I have learned a lot about myself, about life, about love, and what I deserve. It was never easy…
I Try
I used to really love Macy Gray's I Try, though I couldn't relate to what the song is saying. But now I do and I love the song more than ever. The song captures so perfectly how I have been living my life the past few months. It's about trying to move on and forget a past love. Sing it with me all yeah broken-hearted friends... "I try to say goodbye and I choke, Try to walk away and I stumble." My absolute favorite is the part that goes: I may appear to be free But I'm just a prisoner of your love And I may seem all right and smile when you leave But my smiles are just a front Just a front, hey I play it off, but I'm dreaming of you And I'll try to keep my cool, but I'm feenin' I try to say goodbye and I choke Try to walk away and I stumble Though I try to hide it, it's clear My world crumbles when you are not here Goodbye and I choke I try to walk away and I stumble Though I try to hide it, it's clear My world crumbles when you…
Save Yourself
This is an open letter... to myself. Dear Ms Jose, I know you still love him. (unsure) And we know you shouldn't. Stop yourself. While you are smart enough to know he's never going to choose you and that he's not coming back to you, we know there's a part of you still hoping. Stop. Your pride is hurt. In every possible way, you should have been the one as he was your one. But you are not his one. You might never be. If only we didn't love Math, we'd say it's impossible that he's ever coming back. But Mathematically speaking, the only thing we are certain about is that nothing else is certain. ANYWAY, yes, you were and still is the better girl... more beautiful, smarter, and you treated him better than he deserved. And yes you loved him. Sincerely. Selflessly. Whole-heartedly. And you were stupid. But you must let go. Yes, you have moved on. At least, you are trying to. But have not let go. You are still hanging to that very small flicker of hope. Save yourself the trouble. He is not coming back. He is not going to mend your broken heart. He will…