Tag Archives: relationships

Closure

“Tell her why. At least give her the chance to have feelings about it. For godโ€™s sake!โ€

โ€“ Meredith Grey, Greyโ€™s Anatomy Season 2 Episode 2

Sabi dito ENTJ daw personality ko. Sabi rin “ENTJs desire closure in their lives, wanting to make conclusions about things or people quickly.” AWOW! I’m not one to easily believe these online quizzes and tests but I have consistently gotten an ENTJ result the past few years. (I used to be ENFP.)

Anyway, the point is… apparently, I need closure. Personality test and diagnosis aside, yes, I am that person. It took me almost five years to get over my first love. And he wasn’t even my boyfriend. We just had an on and off thing. I moved on because I got the closure I wanted. We didn’t really part ways. Rather, he got himself a girlfriend. And yes, brave old me was calm and collected. I maintained my friendship with the guy. And his girlfriend. HUWOW! That started a pattern in all my relationships which I terribly regret now.

So how did I get the closure I wanted? I asked for it. Some four or five years after he got himself a girlfriend, we met up for dinner. And I asked all the questions I wanted to ask and got the answers I had to hear. And there you go, I was finally over him. More recently, I have had the same experience. Even if it was clear for a long time that me and this ex were never ever gonna be together, I was not able to move on. Not necessarily because I still wanted to be with him, I just really needed him to apologize, to tell me his reasons, to give answers that I think I deserve. And there you go, I am finally ok and we can finally be truly friends.

But this does not happen often. People leave without so much as a good bye. At eto ako… basang-basa sa ulan, walang masisilungan, walang malalapitan. Wait… well, it seems a bit that way. When somebody chooses somebody else or leaves me, or just cuts off ties for whatever reason, I seem like a lost child. Like I don’t know what to do and where to go. Iniwan sa ere. Ain’t such a great feeling. And FML! It happens to me all the time.

Piolo (and I) deserve an explanation.
Piolo (and I) deserve an explanation.

Eto na naman ako… paulit-ulit na lang. Sabi nga sa kanta nila Piolo at Sarah G (totally different movie, BTW), “Paano ba ang magmahal? Palagi bang nasasaktan? Umiiyak na lang palagi, Gusto ko nang lumisan.” Sakit beh. Minsan (and most recently), di pa nga ako nagmahal, like pa nga lang… thumbs up pa nga lang, di pa napusuan, nasaktan na. OUCH! Sakit, beh.

Once again, I am like a lost child. Pero eto ang maganda, with the help of my friends, nagka-epiphany ako. YES! After 34 years of existence and 21 years of liking, loving, investing emotions, and ending up heartbroken and lost, ETO NA BEH! Natuto rin ang puso kong tanga.
Continue reading Closure

The One About Break Up Lessons Podcast

Today’s Love and Hugot podcast is all about lessons we learned after a break up. This topic was suggested by one of our listeners, Ms Dyan Sapaden.

I share my friends and followers’ answers, my opninion/input about their answers, and of course, lessons I learned from my own break ups.

Do share with my your comments, answers, and suggestions.

Happy Feb-ibig! ๐Ÿ˜‰

The One Where I Ask The One You Love or… Podcast

The Feb-ibig Love and Hugot podcast series continues with this!

This episode is inspired by Jexx Hinggo‘s snap and FB post: “The one who loves you or the one you love?”

In the podcast, I share my friends and followers’ answers and I share my own hugot experience, as well. Do listen. But don’t judge. Haha!
Continue reading The One Where I Ask The One You Love or… Podcast

The One About Lies Our Exes Told Us Podcast

OLAAA! Happy Feb-ibig, everybody!

All podcasts from now to February 14 will be all about love, relationships, break ups, bitternesseses, and hugotses. So whether you’re taken or single, there’s something for you.

The first installment for Feb-ibig 2016 is from a post I saw on Facebook. The post asks: “Name a lie your ex told.” Let the hugotses pour out. Do comment and share your answers and questions. And do suggest a topi for future Love and Hugot podcasts.

And oh, please do visit our Valentine’s Bake Sale for a Cause entitled “LOVE and HUGOT: Desserts will never break your heart.” More details on this soon. Meantime, like our event page at this LINK.

Ria Jose 2014

31 and Single

Nobody really asked for this topic but I’m a bit intoxicated and I can’t sleep so what the hell, right? After all, love and relationships are the easiest and hardest things to talk about. Easy because we can all relate to it somehow. Or at least, the lack of it. And hard because it all really doesn’t make sense.

So here I am. 31 and single. One of things I often get asked (luckily, not so much by my relatives) is why I’m single. The answer? I don’t know. I’d like to think there’s really nothing wrong with me. So let’s examine my past relationships, instead.

My first boyfriend (who was not my first love, by the way) was one huge mistake. I’d rather not talk about the guy since we’re friends but let’s just say I went into the relationship just because. It was a long distance relationship and I felt like it was really not a big investment. While I did mourn the breaking up part, the relationship and the break up didn’t really take much of my time or emotions. Our usual nights would go like this…

BF: What you doing?
Ria: Playing DotA. DND.

Continue reading 31 and Single

To The Guy Who Got Me So Confused

Ria Jose
Don't be fooled by that smile. I was terribly anxious that night.

Dear You,

You know who you are but I’m quite sure you don’t read my blog so whatever. ๐Ÿ˜‰

First off, wag mo masyadong i-feel ang moment, ok? Haha!

I’d like you to know I’m so frustrated by the entire situation but I’m thankful you finally had the guts to be honest.

When you first approached me, it was obvious you liked me. You never denied it. I wasn’t really into you but you seemed like you were a nice guy. And even my guy friends told me you seemed sincere. I told you I wasn’t ready for a commitment or anything serious. And I meant it. I don’t regret telling you that.

And yet you tried to win me over. A for effort! Actually, A plus kung tutuusin. Bilib pati mga tao sa paligid ko. Wala pang lalakeng nag-effort ng ganun ka bongga. You didn’t do anything grand or extra special but you were there. A constant presence (so to speak) in my life.

Just when I was about to change my mind and let you into my life, the tides changed. The calls became fewer and the conversations started getting colder. You admit that your ex, the one whom you loved so much for a long time has started to communicate with you again. And that you still love her. Despite everything.

I was livid. Who wouldn’t be? Then, you told me… “I love you… as a friend.” HUWHAAAAAAT?! Kalurkey! Ang bongga ng statement! I kept on asking you if it was time for me to let go and move on. Habang maaga pa diba? You said, you’d leave the decision to me.

I thought that was it, but then you kept on coming back like nothing happened. And I was ok with that. I thought maybe it meant nothing, that you were still interested in me because you were still sweet and malambing.

After sometime, I decided to let you go. I just wanted to really speak with you so I’d know what went wrong. I waited for the chance to end things with you but things didn’t go as expected and a flicker of hope remained in the horizon.

But now, finally, you choose to be honest. After so many weeks, numerous messages and calls, you finally admit you lost interest in me a while back. That while you like me, there were so many things about me that you didn’t like.

You told me that the guy I get married to would be so lucky if I changed. I’m telling you now the the real lucky guy is the guy who will love and accept me for who I am.

I am not angry at you, but I am frustrated by the situation. That’s probably why I’m writing about it, letting the world know how I’d been played for a fool, how I wasted my time giving you a chance and somehow falling in love with you when all you wanted and needed was a friend. *FACEPALM*

I wish you had the guts to say it earlier, when I didn’t invest in you yet, when I still had the chance to not care for you. But it’s too late. You are now another line in my list of heartbreaks.

You have made me question and doubt myself. The entire situation has become somewhat of a puzzle to me. How can a guy continue to love a person who has hurt him so much? How can a guy pursue and show so much affection for a girl and yet be able to easily drop that girl? How can this be happening to me again?

Sabi ko nga sayo diba… Tanga na nga talaga siguro ako when it comes to love and relationships.

Every time I go through a heartbreak or a painful experience such as this, I tend to examine each and every relationship, break up, or failure I’ve had. Even those with guys who weren’t really my boyfriends. Believe me, you’re not the first guy who has pursued me and suddenly lost interest.

I really don’t know the point of this letter, except that I wanted to rant… to be honest to myself, to have a reminder of what happened so it wouldn’t happen again. There is no bitterness in my heart. Only questions on my mind.

You ask me why I fell in love with you? I guess it’s because you took care of me when I needed somebody to take care of me.

I think I’d like to thank you for everything, for the memories, even the painful ones. May those memories stick with me and always remind me that even nice guys, even those who seem to be sincere can break my heart.

I sincerely hope you find the happiness you have been wishing to have with her. And I do mean it when I told you we can still be friends.

Good luck in everything! Anybody who works as hard as you do only deserve success. Don’t forget what I have always told you: that you deserve so much more than you think you deserve. Let people take care of you. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Don’t worry about me… I’ll get over you.

The One That Got Away

Ria J ๐Ÿ˜‰